can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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