sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
