I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
