i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize