i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
