So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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