They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
