We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
