i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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