she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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