So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you remember whose house we're in?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
