im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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