Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
