i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
