she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
