why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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