If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
