The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
two words...techno handjob
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize