3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
