we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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