I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
