I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
