He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
