There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
