you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
