i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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