tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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