You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
