They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
