I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
