Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
