I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
