he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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