I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
