Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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