So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so explain again why im purple
no
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
