I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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