I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
