i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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