You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
