Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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