One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
