I'd wear matching sweaters with you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
