I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
