her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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