Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
