are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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