Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
