Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
