She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we're so committed to being not committed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
