I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
