I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
