How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
