there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
