I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
