Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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