I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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