Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
