After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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