Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
