I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
