if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
