Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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