wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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