I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You were trust falling into bushes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
